Anger Management

Ephesians 4: 25 – 32 (NIV): Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

It's okay to be angry, after all Jesus showed anger towards those who were misusing the temple, but it's not okay to stay mad. The word for anger in verse 31 means to carry a grudge. That's why Paul said not to let the sun go down while you are still angry. This, he says, gives the devil a foothold and may cause you to do something you'll regret.

And what we do with our anger matters. Paul says not to repay evil for evil. Jesus said to turn the other cheek if we are slapped. In other words, Jesus said not to hit back. This may mean physically, but often it means verbally – which is how adults are normally slapped. (Jesus is not talking about children on a playground, he's speaking to his followers who are striving to be like him.)

This doesn't mean we should let people run over us. It does not mean we allow people to harm us or our families. It's talking about forgiving. It's also talking about not holding grudges, getting even, and lowering ourselves to revenge. God forgave us and expects us to forgive others. The only comment Jesus made after he gave his model prayer is that we must forgive others since we have been forgiven.

In the course of normal human interaction, we will get our feelings hurt. No one is perfect and people will make us angry. How we handle that shows our true character. It sets us free to forgive others – to realize that we make mistakes too and yet we are forgiven. What a wonderful world it would be if we all forgave each other, just like God freely forgives us.

When we hurt someone, we need to apologize, but when someone apologizes to us, we need to forgive them. What if they won't apologize? That's between them and God. You forgive anyway. It may save your marriage or a friendship. It may just save your life. Oh, and don't bottle it up inside either; tell God about it and ask him to help you keep your cool. He has all the power you need to manage your anger.